Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
