I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
