No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
