So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I am available for nakedness
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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