we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
