Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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