I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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