worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
