Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
