dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
