As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
