so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
