We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
