I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
