i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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