I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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