I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
