The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
