There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
