Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
