I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
