Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
