dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
