i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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