high people should be assigned attendants
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
