I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
please come you make the beer taste better
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
