I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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