I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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