The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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