**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
If I die, sorry about rent.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
