I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
