i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
...so i touched it.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
