I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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