I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
