He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
