i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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