Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
