I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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