Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
