Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
