Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I have fence marks all over my body
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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