Yo dont text me then not text me
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
farters have to be the big spoon...
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
