Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
