I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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