Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
