covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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