I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
