i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
