Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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