How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
high people should be assigned attendants
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
