Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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