I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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